Violet - Back in the Game (28)

A strangled smile fell from your face

It kills me that I hurt you this way

The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go

But if you can find a reason to stay
I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around
I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance

Believe it, I can change
I'll keep us together

Whatever it takes
                                                                        --Lifehouse (Whatever It Takes)

I slowly surveyed the people around the table on this momentous occasion: Erin, Venus, Paul Taylor, Morgan, and several people from the record label that Venus had insisted on inviting.  I had only been back to California for a week, but in some ways it felt as if I’d never left.  Venus made sure I stayed busier than ever, and I didn’t have much time to contemplate Gillian’s words.  All I knew was that Erin needed me, and I was going to do whatever it took to help him with his recovery. 

I placed my napkin on my plate and stood.  I picked up my champagne flute from the table and held it aloft and waited while the conversation around the table died.  All eyes were fixed on me.

“I’d like to propose a toast.”  I glanced at Erin, and my eyes grew misty as I continued.  “To my songwriting partner, who made the courageous decision to admit his problem and get help.  The first thirty days are the hardest, and you’ve already come farther than most.  You’re my hero, and I don’t care how corny that sounds.  Let’s all raise our glasses – to Erin!”  We clinked our glasses around the table and drank a sip together.

He nodded his head at me and I sat down as he rose from his chair.  “Since the lady went first, I suppose this makes it my turn now.”  He lifted his glass and sniffed.  “Yep, it’s apple juice folks.”  Everyone laughed nervously.  “You can relax, it’s just a little AA humor.”  He paused, pinching his thumb and forefinger against the bridge of his nose for a moment.

“I’m not going to lie.  It took me a long time to admit that I actually had a problem.  I know it’s hard to believe, but I can be a cantankerous son of a bitch from time to time.”  He paused again to let our genuine laughter die down.  “I owe you, my friends and family, a debt of gratitude for supporting me through this struggle and for not giving up on me.  As I work through my twelve steps, you will hear more about this from me, I am sure.  I especially want to thank Violet, my partner, my best friend, who has the courage to call me on my shit every day.  I don’t know how she does it.”

“They pay me more to put up with you.” I countered with a grin.

“That explains a lot then.  Venus and I will chat later about that.”  He winked in her direction.  He held his glass high above his head.  “Here’s to one day at a time.”  He sipped from his glass and the rest of us followed suit. 

After he sat back down, Venus stage-whispered in our general direction.  “I have a great new opportunity for you two coming up next week.”

Erin leaned forward anxiously, taking the bait.  “You have my attention.” 

“Good!  But I’ll leave you in suspense for now.  I just have to finalize a few details first.”

Erin’s jaw dropped in mock shock.  “You’re a horrible tease, do you know that?  I’ve barely been sober thirty days.  I don’t think it’s advisable for you to leave me hanging.”

Venus laughed at him.  “You know that’s part of my charm.  Have I ever steered you wrong before?” 

“Countless times if I remember correctly.”

Venus clutched her chest and feigned injury.  “Ouch!  You’ve wounded me to the quick!”  She chuckled.  “Then you won’t mind waiting if I’m leading you down the wrong path.”

Erin leaned forward.  “I’m just a man who’s anxious to get back to work.”

“Stay tuned.  You may change your mind once you get started on this next project.”

Erin leaned back in his chair and puffed out his chest confidently.  “You just tell me when and where and I’ll be ready.”

I watched Erin with rapt, almost childlike wonder.  He seemed so confident, and reminded me of the friend he used to be in so many ways.  But I was not completely convinced that this wasn’t an elaborate charade on his part.  He certainly would have plenty of time to disprove my suspicions.  I also briefly pondered what had become of little “Sally Sue Sweetheart” and her impending bundle of joy.  I guess I was better off not knowing what Venus had done to make that “little” problem disappear for him. 

After dinner, I stood out on the deck and listened to the rhythm of the ocean lapping onto the shore, lost in my own thoughts.  Erin came up behind me and slid his arm around my waist.  I stiffened a little, and he withdrew his hand.  I turned to face him.

“Hi.”  He stared at me with his blue eyes blazing.  “I’m so glad that you came home.  I was afraid you would leave me.  You had every reason not to stay.  But I’m glad you did.”

I looked over his shoulder and did not meet his gaze directly.  We had not really talked before his release from rehab yesterday, and there were so many things still left unsaid between us.  “I’m glad you’re feeling better Erin.”   I tried to put my heart into it, but I’m sure the words came out empty and forced.

“I know I hurt you Violet.  I’m going to try like hell to make it up to you.  I promise.” 

I looked up at him.  “Just stay sober.  That’s all I ask.”

He raised his hand to his temple in a mock salute.  “Yes ma’am.  I will do my best.”

“Erin, you’re not fooling me for a minute.  When you’re ready to be serious and talk like adults, I’ll be here.”  I picked up my cocktail and walked back towards the sliding glass door and the rest of the guests.  I hoped I would be in a better frame of mind when we went back to work tomorrow, but I had my doubts.