Violet - It's Now or Never (22)

Violet – It’s Now or Never

When I look into your eyes I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you, don't you know I feel the same? yeah
Nothin' lasts forever and we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain, ooh yeah
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An' no one's really sure who's lettin' go today, walking away

                                                                          Guns n’ Roses (November Rain)

I did a lot of thinking about my future when we arrived home from our first trip to L.A.  I had never seriously considered a career as a writer, let alone a song writer.  My poems were something I wrote to have an outlet for my feelings.  I had never considered sharing them with others, let alone the incredibly scary thought of baring my soul to potentially millions of people over the radio airwaves.  My teacher in Creative Writing, Mrs. King, had always told me that I had a talent for putting words together, but I just figured it would come in handy for writing term papers and plowing my way through writing endless amounts of papers in college.

I will admit that Erin had put on his most charming smile and sweet talked me on the plane on the way home to Kansas City.  Then Daniel had once again tried to convince me to go to school with him.  It was all I could do not to push them both off of the same cliff; I was going to make this decision without any outside influences. 

Well, I did call Morgan several times to get her take on my situation.  She had a stake in this, but managed to stay as neutral as she possibly could.  Her initial feedback from the studio had been overwhelmingly positive, and they were drawing up contracts to buy ‘Our Dance’ for that movie.  In L.A. there were no promises, and fame was incredibly fleeting for most; we would have to continue to produce hits in order to stay in the game.  She was willing to give us a place to stay for a month; then we were on our own.   

Six weeks went by in a flash, and Erin and I found ourselves back at the airport again.  This time, my mom and dad, and Erin’s dad had come to see us off.  So much had happened in that short time span, and I could hardly believe I was standing here, instead of sitting in Freshman Orientation at Ohio State.  The only person missing from our little goodbye party was Daniel; he had called as I was heading for the car with my parents and claimed that he was having car trouble.  My dad offered to go pick him up, but he politely declined, saying he was going to ask his mom about borrowing her car.  I didn’t say anything to my dad, but I knew there was no way Daniel was going to ride in a car with my parents unless I was there as a buffer.

I was not surprised at his behavior.  He was having a hard time with the fact that I was going away, but mostly he was irritated that I was going to be with Erin.  It didn’t matter what I did to try and convince him that he was my boyfriend; he even insinuated that we were already involved in some way.  I had to laugh at his ridiculous accusation; things just deteriorated from that point. 

They started calling for our flight to board.  My mom is not normally sentimental, but she got a little misty-eyed.  “Now you call when you land.  I know your big sister will look out for you, but don’t forget to call your old mom, okay?”

I hugged her tightly.  “Okay, Mom.  I will.  I promise.”

My dad had trouble keeping his composure as well.  “You two are going to have to look after each other.  You can always come home whenever you want, honey.”  He squeezed me tightly, and slipped some money into my hand.  “Don’t tell your mother,” he whispered in my ear.

“Thanks Dad.”  I pulled back and smiled at him, my eyes tearing up. 

Over my shoulder, I caught sight of Daniel coming in our direction.  I was glad that he made it, and I started towards him, grinning broadly.  It took me a minute to process the whole picture, but when I did, I stopped in my tracks.  Daniel was wearing a Navy uniform and sporting a military haircut.  Erin saw him too and came over to us.

“Danny?  I didn’t think you were going to make it.  What’s with the costume and haircut, man?  I thought your mom was going to kill you if you joined the Navy.”

Danny bristled.  “I enlisted last week.  I’m eighteen.  I can do what I want.  Isn’t that what you’re doing?  You’ve been too busy making plans to leave here to notice or care about anyone else.”

Erin took a step back.  “Wow!  That was pretty harsh.  I did not say that to start another argument with you.  I’m glad you’re doing what you want.  Thanks for coming to say goodbye, I think.”

“It is what I want.  Thanks for the overwhelming show of support.  I expected more from my best buddy.  Of course, you’ve been so self-absorbed that you wouldn’t see a piano if it landed on your head.”  Danny practically snarled the last part.

“We’ve been friends for a long time, Danny.  I would have to see either one of us say anything that we’ll regret later.”  Erin held up his hands in resignation.  “I’m sorry, Danny.”

I couldn’t quite find the words to process my thoughts as they exchanged words.  I finally managed to clear my head and grabbed Daniel by the elbow.

“Erin, you don’t mind if I steal Daniel for a moment, do you?  Thanks!”  I steered him down the corridor about 20 years and stopped to face him.

“Are you really trying to pick a fight with Erin?  And you think that this will get you off the hook with me?”

Danny stared at me blankly.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit!  You know exactly what you’re doing, with this suit and this haircut, and your load of crap about enlisting in the Navy.”

His expression did not change despite my obvious angst.  “You know I wanted this.”

“No.  You knew I didn’t want this.  I’ve been a military brat my entire life, being a slave to the military, and seen what it can do to you.  I didn’t want a place for that in my future as a wife and mother.”  I waved my hands and gestured furiously.  “You knew that, and you’re using that against me.  This is a new low, even for you.”

Daniel remained stoic.  “I always wanted this.  You never listened.”

“You’re just saying that so I’ll break up with you.  That’s what you want, isn’t it?  Then you don’t have to work at a long distance relationship; you can blame it on me instead of not being able to look in the mirror.” 

Before I realized what I was doing, I reached up and slapped Daniel on the cheek.  “Go to confession and wipe your conscience you son of a bitch!  You just got your wish.”

I turned around and ran back towards the gate.  I hugged my parents one last time through my tears and hurried through the gate and down the ramp to the plane.  Erin followed me and sat down next to me.  I stared out the window, sobbing as quietly as I could manage.  Even though I had not realistically counted on having a “forever” relationship with Daniel, it still hurt worse that I imagined. 

Erin managed to flag down a flight attendant and get me some tissues.  “I had no idea he would pull a stunt that low.  I’m so sorry, Violet.”

“You didn’t know about this, did you?”  I sniffled and looked at him.

Erin shook his head.  “Of course not.  I was as surprised as you.  I didn’t think he was going to sabotage the one good thing that’s happened to him all year.”

“Neither did I.”  I returned to looking out the window.  “I can’t talk about this anymore right now.”

“He’s an idiot, you know?  Just for the record.”  Erin patted me on the knee.

I closed my eyes and nodded.  I buckled my seat belt and waited for takeoff.  I needed to get out of here in the worst way.