Violet - Sanctuary (26)

Violet – Sanctuary

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see
I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

If you toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep
I'll sing a song beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Every day I will remind you

Find out what we're made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

                                                         Bruno Mars (Count on Me)

For most people, at least in my estimation, there are few places where you can totally relax and be yourself.  Most of the time, we have our guard up on at least some level.  But thankfully I have a place where I can just be myself, and it never matters what mood I’m in, or whether or not I’m wearing a bra.  A sanctuary: a place to go when the whole world is upside down and I need to gather my thoughts.  I feel safe and secure.  I have the freedom to be myself without being judged.

My grandma’s cabin is like that for me.  It’s predictable and as comfortable and familiar as my favorite beat up leather jacket.  With everything that had happened recently, I needed that stability.  I had to retreat to my safe place and figure out what my next move would be.  I had spent the past three years of my life under the spell of the Los Angeles sun, and I had lost myself somewhere along the way.

I spent five days driving across the country with Sampson in my brand new red Ford F150 truck, and finally the Laurel Highland mountains were in view.  I probably could have made it in three, but I had grown weary of living life at warp speed all the time.  Feeling the release of freedom for the first time in a long time, I rolled down the windows and let the breeze blow through my hair. 

“Smell that, Samson?  It’s fresh air!  We don’t have that in Los Angeles!”  He sat up from where he had been lounging on the passenger side and stuck his head out of the window.  He had not ridden in a car too much, but he had been a trooper over the course of our trek.  Without him, I probably would have been a basket case.  In my head, I knew that we had done the right thing in forcing Erin to face his issues but it still did not make it any easier.  I had spent almost every day with him for the past few years, and I missed him terribly.

When we got to the cabin, I let Samson loose to run through the woods while I unloaded my gear from the truck.  I lugged my massive suitcase up the steps of the weathered porch and pushed the screen door open.  I wheeled it across the screened in deck and unlocked the front door.  The musty air filled my nose; I walked around the living room opening curtains and pushing up the windows to let in the fresh mountain air.  Sheets covered all of the furniture, but I would get to that in due time.

Back outside, I headed around the side of the house to the basement.  I flipped the switches for the water and electric in the furnace room.  There would be hot water by the time I had to wash dishes later.  I made a cursory check for bats but did not see any new residents or fresh droppings.  There was a small crack at the bottom of the basement door, so we did get a pair or two on occasion, and I did not want to be caught off guard. 

After securing the basement door, I turned on the propane tank.  I walked back up the hill to the porch and sat down on the bench.  Leaning back, I stretched my arms out against the back of the bench, closed my eyes and let the sun shine on my face.  In a matter of days all of my freckles would come out in full force, but I really didn’t care.  The cool lake water beckoned me from the end of the road, but I had work to do. 

Samson practically streaked down the hill when I whistled for him.  “Hey boy!  You having fun yet?”  His tongue hung out of the side of his mouth and his tail was wagging faster than a windshield wiper.  I reached down and scratched behind his ear.  “We’re going to have to go to the store if you want me to feed you later.  I know I don’t want to get back in the car right now, but this will be a short trip.”

We drove the 5 miles into town and pulled into the local grocery store.  I made sure all of the windows were rolled down about six inches for Samson.  He lay down on the front seat and I climbed down from the cab, locking the doors behind me.  I grabbed a cart and ventured in to get some supplies.  After paying California prices for so long, everything looked like a bargain.  Let’s just say I got a little carried away, and by the time I made it to the checkout line, I had practically filled the cart.

It had been a long time since I had actually grilled anything, and I was excited to put my steaks on, put a potato in the oven to bake, and drink a good glass of red wine.  Thankfully I had not succumbed to the urge to buy Samson the expensive organic dog food that the breeder had recommended when he was a puppy; I easily found the IAMS brand that he loved at the store.  And I’m sure a morsel or two of steak would wind up falling off of my fork and into his mouth anyway.

It took several trips, but I got all of the groceries into the cabin and put away.  The sheets still covered the couch and chairs in the living room, but I decided to go swimming before dinner instead.  Swimming is my favorite type of physical activity by far, and I do not get to indulge in it nearly often enough.  There are plenty of pools out in L.A. but I did not have the courage to bear that much skin in the land of perfection and plastic surgery. 

So I heaved my suitcase on top of one of the beds in the kids bedroom (we called it that because it usually has bunk beds or a set of twin beds in it) and popped it open.  My swim suit lay on the top; I had put it there purposely when I was shoving things into it when I was leaving the hotel this morning.  I could almost feel the cool mountain water already.  

The keys to the docks hung behind the front door, and my old comfy Keds lay next to the screen door.  I grabbed a beach towel out of the armoire and a swim belt off of the top of it just in case I encountered any boat club members.  They could be such kill joys about swimming off of the docks without a flotation device or life jacket protection.  Samson was used to walking with or without a leash, but I decided to use it at least the first time we walked in unfamiliar territory for him.  I also didn’t want to make anyone unnecessarily nervous about a big dog running loose; well not right now anyway. Samson’s size alone could induce a raised heart rate and I used that as a weapon only when I deemed it useful.    

We walked down the gravel and dirt road towards the water.  It was tempting to just drive the truck down, but I decided to get some exercise and walk.  Now I may change my mind halfway back up the hill again, but that will be too late.  I was in the habit of walking with Samson every day, but I certainly was not physically conditioned for any serious grade in my path. 

Finally I could see the crystal clean green water lapping at the rocks at the end of the road as I passed the sign that read “Road Ends In Water.”  They weren’t kidding; boat club members had been using this as a boat launch for years.  It was also useful when taking the docks in or out of the water as the season dictated.  One year they had foolishly (and out of sheer laziness) voted to leave the docks in the water over the winter.  Let’s just say that winter in the mountains is not kind to wooden docks with Styrofoam floats underneath and the repair work that ensued in the spring was not worth a repeat performance the following year.

Since it was a Tuesday afternoon, the water was remarkably calm and there was not a sound of a motorboat anywhere.  I stepped out onto the docks and unlocked the padlock around the chain-link fence guarding the entrance.  Samson stood at the edge of the dock. 

“What’s the matter, boy?  Did you forget your sea legs?  It’s not that bad once you get used to it.”  He looked at me but still didn’t move.  I walked back towards him and unhooked his leash.  “Stay close.  Come out when you’re ready.”  He loped off down the shoreline, sniffing every rock.  I circled around the docks to one of the swim ladders, dropped my towel and kicked off my sneakers.  Standing at the edge, I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of fresh air and nature. 

Then I dove.  The water was refreshingly cool and I swam underwater for as long as I could muster.  As I came up, I exhaled forcefully.  This is most definitely what I needed.  The weight of the last three years slowly washed away as I lay floating in the water.  Erin was not the only one with some major decisions to make; I was beginning to rethink my life in L.A.

Suddenly, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye.  I uprighted myself in the water and looked around anxiously.  Thankfully, it was only Samson, who had finally ventured out onto the docks.  “Here boy!”  I swam over to the ladder and he came up to me.  “You finding any good smells out there?  You want to come in the water with me?”  I splashed him a little and he backed away.  I laughed good naturedly.  “Oh you big sissy!  You don’t even know you can swim, do you?  You spoiled California snob!”

A deep male voice behind me questioned.  “Is that where you’re from?  I saw the California plate on the truck up at the Anderson place.  Mind telling me who you are?”

I turned around again to find Roger McConnell standing on the swim dock caddy corner from me.  He looked the same as I remembered him: tall, tanned, runner’s body with sun-kissed blonde hair and blue eyes.  He was wearing running shoes, short red swimming trunks and a white tank top with a water skiing logo on it.  He had not seen me since I was in junior high, and it was clear from his tone that he did not recognize me.  I pulled myself out of the water and faced him.

“As a matter of fact, I do.  I have a key, which means that at the very least I have permission to be out here.  Other than that, I don’t have any obligation to tell you anything.”  I put my hands on my hips and stared at him.  Samson sat by my side, and I could tell he was keeping Roger from advancing towards me.

“We’ve had some trouble at the club lately and I am just protecting the members here.”

“And I am a member here by blood so you can get off of your high horse.  That cabin cruiser parked in the corner slot belongs to my grandfather.  He’ll be so happy to hear that you’ve established yourself as the gate keeper, Roger.”

“Then you must be Morgan.  It’s been a long time; I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you.”

I picked up my towel from the bench and wrapped it around my waist.  “I know you didn’t.  And it’s Violet by the way.” 

“My apologies once again.”  He looked at Samson warily.  “Is your dog friendly?”

“Only if I want him to be.”  I couldn’t resist.  Roger and his friends had poked plenty of fun at me when puberty was not being kind to me, and I was not about to give him an inch.  “Well if you’re done interrogating me, I’m going to be heading up the hill now.”  I grabbed Samson’s leash and clipped it on, more for Roger’s benefit than Samson’s.

“Let me give you a ride.  It’s the least I can do.”  

I could see his green golf cart in the parking lot and it was tempting for about a second.  He seemed genuine enough, but I wasn’t biting.  “Thanks, but we’ll walk.  The exercise will do us good.”

“Well if you need anything, don’t hesitate to stop by.”  He hesitated, as if he was about to say something else, but then he turned and headed down to his expensive speedboat. 

I slid my Keds on and grabbed my unused swim belt.  “Ready boy?  Let’s huff and puff back up the hill.”  It was my intention to leave the truck parked unless we went to town.  I had to remember to park it behind the cabin later to reduce the coat of dust that was sure to gather if I left in front of the house right by the dirt road.  We used to spread oil across the road at the beginning of the season each summer, but the EPA and the Army Corp of Engineers (park rangers) had determined that this practice was bad for the environment.  So now if you got caught doing that there were fines involved.

I picked some daisies and sweet peas on the way up the hill, thinking of my grandma and how Morgan and I used to pick them for her on our way up from swimming all day at the docks.  I missed her so badly and wished she was still here to talk to; she would have had some words of wisdom for me about Erin and everything that had happened lately. 

The days went by at a leisurely pace; I took a walk with Samson in the mornings down to the water and sat on the docks, listening to the water lap against the shore while I wrote in my notebook.  When I reached a stopping point, we got on my grandpa’s boat and tooled around on the lake for a while.  There were plenty of quiet coves tucked around the lake, and I would drop anchor before getting out our picnic lunch.  After lunch, I usually snoozed on the back end of the boat, soaking up the sun and getting tanner than I had been in a very long time (and it didn’t cost me $10-15 per session either).  Then I would take a swim off of the boat while Samson watched from the driver’s seat. 

By the time we headed back to the docks, it was usually getting close to dinner time.  On the way back into the cabin, I would turn on the grill and cook a chicken breast or steak, depending on my mood.  I am not one for much fussing if I am cooking for myself, so I ate a lot of fresh fruits and microwaved corn on the cob for side dishes.  Samson got a lot of under the table treats this way and I didn’t hear him complain once.  Every second or third day I took him for a ride into town and we would pick up a few groceries and get an ice cream cone at the local stand before returning home.

Before I realized it, ten days had gone by like this.  I had been thinking about Erin a lot, and so while we were in town one day, I pulled out my neglected cell phone and dialed.

“This is Venus,” she stated quickly and crisply.

“Hey, it’s Violet.  I just wanted to check in and see how everything is going.”

“Well how the heck are you doing stranger?  I was sure I wouldn’t hear from you for at least another week.  Did you miss me that much?  And more importantly, when are you coming back?  I have plenty of work for you to do if you want it.”

I laughed.  “Truthfully, I’d almost lost track of time completely.  I had to get a paper at the grocery store to remind myself what day it was.”

“You really did go on vacation then!  I’m impressed!  Got a spare bedroom out there?  I just might have to join you.”  She chuckled.  “Oh who am I kidding?  I don’t think I know the meaning of the word ‘relax’.”

“You would have to figure it out up here.  Time definitely moves at a different pace in the mountains.”  I paused for a moment and then took the leap.  “Have you heard from Erin?  How’s he doing?”

“I was wondering how long it would take you to ask me.  He’s doing fine.  I get an update every couple of days.  He actually called me a few days ago, mainly I think to make sure he was going to have a job to come back to.  I assured him that as long as he followed his end of the deal that I am always a woman of my word.  He also wondered aloud why you had not answered his voicemail messages.”

I pulled the phone away from my ear; I had 18 new messages.  Good grief!  “I haven’t turned my phone on in at least a week.  Did you tell him anything?”

“I most certainly did not.  I told him that he needs to focus on himself and getting better, and that you felt the same way.  He certainly wasn’t happy with my response but he didn’t press it any further.  He knows he can’t charm me out of my panties like he can so many others.”  She sighed.  “So I have to ask you Violet, are you coming back?  I have grown fond of you and we will always be friends regardless of how you answer that question.  But from a business standpoint, I have to know where we stand.”

I bit my lip.  “I know.  I’ve been thinking about it a lot.  Can you give me another week?  I really want to be sure about what I’m doing here.  My brain has been so hazy lately and I’ve spent so much time focusing on Erin that it’s taking me a while to unravel all of the cobwebs.”  I inhaled before continuing.  “Besides, if Erin walks before completing the program then we won’t even need to be talking about this.”

“Violet, do you have rocks in there with the cobwebs?  You are the most valuable asset to us.  Now I will say that Erin has a way with a melody, but without your words, it hardly means anything.  I can set you up with any number of talented musicians and songwriters and I’m sure we would still be fine.  I haven’t suggested it up to this point because you and Erin have been cranking out some solid hits for us.” 

I really hadn’t considered that at all, so it was a little shocking to hear.  I always figured that Erin and I were a packaged deal and that one without the other wouldn’t sell.  The very thought of working without Erin was certainly a foreign concept to me.  We’d been out in Los Angeles for over two years now, and I could hardly believe it.  I had not planned on this turn of events, and yet I wasn’t sure I wanted to quit at this stage of the game. 

There was only one thing to do, so when I finished talking to Venus, I dialed another number.  It was time to bring in some reinforcements.